God will help you. Hebrews 13:8 NIV [8] Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. God will redeem you, and make you new. He will do this many times, because Proverbs 24:16 NIV [16] for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes. When you feel these suicidal thoughts, it is likely because you are entertaining the fruits of the flesh, which only bring a false solution and then more suffering. Proverbs 24:16 NIV [16] for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes. Dont give up, and when you feel this way find a way to say "no, you cant have me." To the enemy. I use music to help me stay joyful and hopeful, and sometimes poetry. Find something that gives you peace and helps you lean to God. ❤️❤️❤️