I used to struggle with what you're saying too, and occasionally I still do, but God has saved me and made me new. He took me from sensitive and self conscious, an extreme overthinker and doubter, to now I feel like a joyful, hardworking child of God whose struggles are NOT in vain and I feel loved beyond my own comprehension

Jeremiah 29:11 NIV [11] For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Psalms 130:7 NIV [7] Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. Colossians 3:12 NIV [12] Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Dont be so hard on yourself. Titus 3:5 NIV [5] he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, Matthew 6:33 NIV [33] But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 1 John 4:16-18 NIV [16] And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. [17] This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. [18] There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. Your poem was beautiful and clearly from the heart. This is likely one of your God given gifts, but no pressure, but i advise you to speak life, not negativity. Dont hate youself, becuase you are forgiven by God. He wants to make you new. Im here if you need a friend but even better God is. Lastly, Proverbs 18:21 NIV [21] The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. Have a great day!