I feel like an apostasy. I cry myself to bed night after night yet always fall again, my doubts don't focus on whether Gods real I mean if you look at logical evidence its impossible for him not to be; but rather would he accept me. Have I sinned away my salvation. I sit at school and once I sinned I know I'm going to have to wait 6 more hours before comming back to God truly and repenting. And of which I worry if he comes back before I can do so. Speaking of which this worlds too noisy, why can't it just shut up. When can there just be silence and God. Why am I so confused, so overwhelmed. How do people struggle to find 5 minutes praying to God. I struggle to have even only an hour and a half a day I mean I could speak for 3 hours and still not feel like I've talked about every issue. I feel as though I'm spiritually drifting and drained but something is stopping me from walking along the narrow path. And I want to walk along it more then anything. I pray and read The Bible daily yet still feel no peace. I know everything about God yet still feel distant. I look at all Gods promises and many Christian videos about this yet the doubts say I am too awful for them all. I know I'm saved by Faith Through Grace alone and still have works yet still I am struggling. I don't blame God or wave a fist at Him for this though. I wave a fist at myself. This isn't his fault but my own doing. If He didnt want me I wouldn't blame Him. But He does want me yet I still feel distant. I'm confused,anxious,worried and sinful. I don't even know anymore what to do. My heart feels so hardened. Have I blasphemed The Holy Spirit